After missing the first and third game of the four game series, former TNH captain Paul Harp returned to the fold last night and lead Team Carter to a 4-3 victory in the final game of the season. The one goal margin was enough to give the White Boys a 2 goal advantage in the championship and the right to call themselves “TNH Hockey Champs.”
“I was just glad to have him back” said Team Captain Carter. “It was like having a second coach out there. I was getting sick of yelling at Chasse to stay on his side and tired of stopping Lee from taking all those breakaways. And Leblanc? Don't get me started. Lets just say I'll be dangling him as trade bait in the Fall.”
Harp potted two to lead his teammates to the victory despite complaining of “an indeterminate upper body injury.” It was a valiant effort for sure, almost as impressive as Captain Velagic playing with one arm for the duration of the series.
But what about Harp's mysterious ailment? We're not so sure it was as “indeterminate”as Harp made out. The TNH Insider (the exclusive gossip show of the TNHL) revealed this little tidbit on last night's show. Seems the Hollywood Boy, in an effort to make the cut for “Hercules, The Early Years” was having a little reconstruction work done in the aforementioned area.
Harp, absolutely denied the surgical rumours “This is all push ups and clean living.” Sure Harpo or should we call you Herco?
According to unknown sources in the exclusive Toronto plastic surgery clinic where Mr. Harp acquired his “pec plants”, something went “terribly, terribly, wrong”. A former employee of the clinic, Nadia Sturvitz, offered some insight
“Yaah, someone wrote Paula Harp on the admittance chart, and for some reason or other no one bothered to lift the sheet and double check. Ve went ahead with the implants, but lets just say those things will never look muscular. It was an honest mistake.”
The end result?
“Velllll if this Hercules movie is about a confused trans gendered crusader in the middle of a sex change, well then Ms.Harp I mean Mr. Harp is a shoo in. Ya?”
As for the game?
It was a well played affair that started with a couple of quick tallies and committed forechecking by the White squad. The reunion of the brothers Lee and the improved forward play by Matt “The Kid” Maclaren went a long way towards securing the victory.
The Red Side, led by Ned “One Arm” Velagic, Peter the Doctor, and Cameron “The Other Kid” Smith tried their best to make up for the quick start but it was just too little too late. A disappointed Lawrie the Lip Livesay -who failed to make it through the carbon jungle to the opposing net-had this to say about the outcome:
“I'll be spending the first month or so extracting the carbon fibres from my back, but other than that I want to congratulate Team Carter on a series well played.”
Is their a shakeup about to happen on the Red Side? The refusal of many of the players to pose for the post game photo tells us there is something a lot more wrong on that squad than a lack of goal scoring or positive leadership.
Livesay was unavailable for the after party where the new king of TNH was presented with his trophy.
“I just want to thank everyone who contributed to the White victory, and I want to thank former commissioner McGee for staying on the Red Side.”
Congratulations to all for a season well played and kudos to Commissioner Chasse who, continuing with the "austerity moves" presented all players with a participant award.
"I find awards really separate the wheat from the chaff, the good from the bad, and I don't want that kind of separation in my league. It set a precedent and makes people aspire to un-realistic goals. These simple documents tell everyone that they are, in my book at least, real winners."
Congratulations to everyone for a well-played, safe season. Hope to see you all next Fall.
Sincerely,
Former Commissioner
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