Graves Gone To Rehab

Rookie Red Defenseman Gary Graves returned to the fold last night after spending four weeks on the IRL with the suddenly fashionable "rotator cuff" injury. His return was marked by a dramatic entrance seldom seen on Tuesday Night.

Mr. Graves decided to dust off his favourite SS Uniform for the game in response to a motivational email sent by former commissioner and "agent provocateur" McGee that morning.


But why?

Sensing that the Canadian-German game would cause a noticeable rate of absenteeism, McGee's note suggested that any player who stayed at home was most likely a German sympathizer.

"It was all in good fun" said a defensive McGee when asked about his communication. "I can't predict how people will react."

McGee insisted we print the note.

"Sure you've been caught up in the nationalistic fervour surrounding
the under-achieving Canadian squad, but there are other duties in your life as well.

Work. Family. Showing up for Tuesday Night Hockey.

Need to know who's coming out and which one of you strudel loving bastards will be
staying at home to cheer on the Germans.

And this means you Mr. VonLivesay and all your Oakville (funny how that rhymes with Brazil) friends.

Roll Call!"

" I should have guessed from Mr. Graves response that he mis-understood the intention of my note" offered McGee. The transcript is below:

Ich bin NICHT ein Berliner.

I vill zee you at zee hockeyplatz tonight, ja?

G

Gary apparently mis-understood the meaning of my note, and for that I apologize" said a
seldom apologetic McGee. "I was merely trying to encourage attendance."

"Oh that's what it meant" responded Graves when asked about his attire. "I thought it meant show your German pride." According to some accounts Graves is 1/12th German on his mother's side and given occasionally to displays of Aryan hubris.

His attire was a source of tremendous outrage to Team Red Captain and JDL member in residence Michael Kohn.

"I'm deeply offended" said Michael. "Graves and McGee have stepped over the line. There will be repercussions."

Were not sure what, but Graves, normally Colonel Kohn's favourite defenseman, was relegated to spot duty for most of the evening. A spokesperson for Graves had this to stay:

"Mr. Graves is deeply sorry for having offended any ethnic and/or religious groups that might have been in the dressing room last night. As per doctor's orders he has been continuing to ingest large quantities of pain killers in order to function. This includes a "witches brew" mix of Demerol, Vicodin and the ever popular Oxycontin."

"Mr. Graves has gone cold turkey and admitted himself to a local facility. It is our sincere hope that Mr. Graves will be able to kick the habit and return to Mr. Kohn's side in time for the play-offs."

We here at TNH all wish Mr. Graves good luck with a speedy recovery from this recent setback.

Mr. Kohn who was rumoured to be on an El Al flight to Jerusalem could not be reached for comment.

Mr. Graves publicist would not reveal the address for the rehab facility.