Lee Brothers Conspiracy?

No it’s not the name of a 70’s boogie band but rather a scary plot discovered by TNH's investigative reporter Bobby Shmotz.

The Lee Brothers, have been no-shows during the first half of the 2009-2010 TNH season and the rumours floating around the McCormick dressing rooms have been rampant. The public story is that Gord has an upper-body injury, and Eugene has a familial commitment. According to sources truth is far scarier.

“I know those brothers are tight, but I didn’t realize how far they would go to win something” commented White Team forward Scotty Driscoll.

The two brothers are legendary not only for their competitive spirit but for their loyalty to one another. But how far is too far when pursuing a winning obsession? If impersonation and dressing up in drag is too far, then they’ve reached the pinnacle.

According to insiders at CBC’s surprising hit “Blades of Glory” a couple of “oriental heritage” showed up at the open auditions for the show in Toronto in early August. The man claimed to be a member of the Chinese national hockey team and the woman (apparently we have to use that word carefully) said she was former Chinese figure skating champion Chen Lu.

“Man she was ugly. If that was Lu, then I think she should lay off on the noodles” said a fellow competitor.

However, the racially challenged show was so desperate to have anyone of alternate lineage perform -and apparently Albanian wasn't enough - they gladly welcomed the couple.

“Everything went well until the rehearsal before the first show” said another competitor. “The smaller man made a valiant attempt to lift Lu above his head but barely managed to get her/it off the ice. They were desperately off-balance and toppled heavily into the boards.”

When first aid reached them the site was not pretty.

“It was obvious that the woman (Lu) was wearing a wig, but heck I’ve seen a lot of ugly hairdos before" said one of the veteran hockey players in the show "and I've seen a lot of bad cross-dressing. If the man who was claiming to be Lu hadn’t insisted on wearing a thong we would have never guessed she wasn’t anything but a very ugly woman.”

The two Lee’s were removed from the set of the show immediately and charged for impersonation and fraud. When reached for comment, Gord Lee (who as a winner of the Bowling Ball Boy has toppled into the boards several times) had this to say “I’ve never worn a dress in my life.”

Yes but how about a tightly fitting figure skating outfit and a thong?

“No comment.”

Any attempt to reach Eugene for a comment has been thwarted

We can only hope that one of the Lee brothers steps forward to clear up the rumours and innuendo that have been circulating.

Perhaps tonight, McCormick Ice Palace 10pm.

Till Next Time,

Bobby Shmotz

Is Livesay being persecuted?

A six inch scar on his back. A deep bruise on his left calf. His right ear mottled and disfigured. It was an angry, pained Lawrie the Lip Livesay who took no pride in displaying the various wounds received in his TNHL battles.

"I'm spending more time in rehab then I am on the ice."

My God Lawrie! It looks like you've been through a war!

"They keep picking on me!"

Picking on you Lawrie, who?

"The White Team's defense, all of them. And now with Harp back, I'm never going to see the net again."

Livesay has been "miffed" (and I use that word lightly, and perhaps too often) by the clutching, grabbing, hacking and otherwise roguish, spiteful play of Team Carter's guardians of the blue: The Captain, The Commissioner and the just returned Hollywood Boy.

"I'm still trying to get the carbon fibres out of my back from last year's play-offs."

The normally mild-mannered athlete suffered serious abuse in last year's four game set and has had it up to his gills with the rough play in the White End this year.

"It's getting so I can't go back there without Carter tripping me or Big Head hacking me."

When reached for comment, Colonel Kohn, interim leader of the Red Squad had this to say: "The Lipper is one of my star players, I can't allow this abuse to continue. I'm going to make an official protest to the commish through proper channels."

And if that fails?

"Did you see that rather large man that we brought out last week?"

Yes.

"I have him on my speed dial. That Carter fella isn't as big as he thinks."

One can only wonder how that will turn out, especially with Commissioner "Collie" Chase acting as both perpetrator and adjudicator.

Is an independent tribunal in order? How about a three week suspension of the Evil Trio? No wait, we need the players. Perhaps the implied threat of a suspension and a stern talking to?

"I just want to play my game" said Livesay, "and be able to walk in the morning."

A simple goal for anyone to aspire to Mr. Livesay. The drama continues, tonight - McCormick Ice Palace, 10pm.

Be there.