What? How the hell did that happen? How the hell did the sluggish almost neanderthal Team White take an early (4) goal lead in the spring classic?
"We've been sandbagged" complained Team Red forward Cameron Smith, who despite spending most of the week under doctor's care, managed to make it out to the big game. "Where was all that offense in the regular season?"
It's called poker Cameron, albeit of the "liar" variety.
There was the typical 3H's (hooking, holding, hacking) by the White Team at both ends of the ice but it was really the uninspired play of both Team Kohn's forwards and defenseman that was probably the biggest reason for the defeat.
"I knew that when Graves forgot his jock and Fraser forgot his gloves that we might be in a little trouble" continued Kohn. "Distracted is not a good way to start a play-off series."
Both defenseman have been provided with a Kohner Kommandos checklist for next Tuesday's game.
The tension on Team Red's Bench was distinct with both sides blaming the other for failure to produce. The Team Carter bench was a little more robust, distinguished by the grunting and mean spirited cajoling that typically defines a species about to take the next evolutionary step. Rookie power forward Steve Dunn, displaying a rather distracting "skintight" sweater look had this to say:
"I look good. I feel good. I score."
Typical of Team White's "take no prisoners" approach were the two goals that Matty Maclaren scored on his injured uncle after Georgie had received a vicious two-hander to the throat in a goal mouth scramble.
"He old. Me young. He faking. He breathe okay" said Matty when asked about his scoring outburst. "In the playoffs you have to find a way to score. Scoring good."
Has any team ever come back from a four goal deficit to take the series?
According to the stats, the answer is yes. But its going to take an inspired effort by Ronnie the K (who will be backing the Red Squad next week) to get this team back into the series.
We let Colonel Kohn have the final word:
"I didn't usurp Mr. Velagic to face this kind of shame" spat out the just confirmed captain. "Mark my words, there's going to be changes, Team Carter ain't gonna know what hit em."
Series resumes next week.
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